i’ve been a lazy writer lately. actually, i started school again and i have an english class in which i must write an essay every week, so i’ve been writing more than usual, just note here. also, i have many books to read for said class and that has been eating up my time as well. not that i’ve been such a prolific writer on here in the past.
moving on.
i drank too much vodka last night. you know something is wrong with my psyche when i choose vodka over beer. i love beer. also, when i drink vodka i always end up drinking too much of it. i vomited many times. it was painful, and then there was the hangover: lowered sense of well-being (what’s left of it), the shakes, nausea, fatigue. i managed to avoid a headache, though. hooray for that.
i’m 80% better now. tonight, i have the choice of:
a. staying home
b. going to the symphony
or
c. going to a small town “burning man”
the only reason c sounds appealing is because i’ve been in this stupid city for over 4 months now and i still have no weed dealer. there is a probable chance of me finding this person there.
last night, in my drunken state, i thought it was a good idea to smoke many cigarettes in my house and so my roommates and i did just that. now the house smells terrible. what a horrible idea.
i’m back in juneau. it’s amazing how much i hate living here… this last week i’ve been waking up in my bed, asking myself, ‘what exactly do i need to get up for? to walk to the living room?’ i sometimes wish i could sleep until the end up april, when i’m scheduled to get the hell outta here.
i can’t, though.
on the upside, i’m learning how to belly dance, and do yoga, and my other classes are not so dull.
and i really want to write about it, but i am so fucking exhausted from traveling and last night. i just need to take a nap.
happy new year! i have a feeling this year is gonna be epic.
I’m stuck in the fucking airport again. Still in Juneau. There is a snowstorm. Flight delayed.
Somebody please just knock me out and drag me onto the plane when it comes time to board.
i slept in the juneau airport because i was too broke to go home via taxi and sleep in my bed. pathetic, huh?
being a seasoned traveler who’s been stranded at an airport before (SeaTac), at first i thought this can’t be so bad… boy, was i wrong. i’m used to sleeping on the floor at home, but i grossly underestimated the comfort of a squishy carpet and a sleeping pad. and all the benches at this particular airport have arm rests. (if i could type a mad face here i would). i had a puffy jacket and a blanket, which proved to be no match for the cement-like carpeting.
despite choosing a relatively deserted area, various airport personnel chose the spot right in front of my camp to undertake assorted discussions throughout the night. i think i may have slept an hour, which was plagued with nightmares.
the upside was, i missed my flight this morning and got re-booked for no extra charge, giving me enough time to catch the bus home to take a shower and repack my bags. on the way back to the bus stop, some kind citizen offered to give me a ride back to the airport :) so i didn’t have to drag my suitcase through the blizzard anymore and wait in the freezing cold for the bus (which is always late).
my legs are aching and i’m tired of eating clif bars, but all in all it’s been a fantastic day! can’t complain.
but i got straight As this semester! i am so proud because i actually pushed myself to write all my essays and go to class.
incidentally, i hate writing essays. going to class wasn’t so hard as i have no friends where i live now and staying home all the time can get super boring.
i’m going to find a full-time job next semester. wish me luck!
right now, i loathe college. most days i wish i wouldn’t have signed up for it. but i’m here now, and i have a lot of debt. i feel like i have to finish. all i want to do it scream about it, though. i hope one day, after i’ve paid back all this money to the wonderful US government, i can say that college was great, it enriched my life. but i can’t now.
i posted my tent for sale on craigslist, among most everything else i own. its been, so far, the item that most people want to buy from me, so i decided to set it up in my living room in case they wanted to see it in all its splendor.
but now i’m looking at it, reminiscing… over the last 5 years i’ve camped in my various living rooms more times in it than outside in the elements. thats why it still has that new tent smell.
every time i move, i bring it just in case i don’t find a home.
…i don’t think i’m ready to part with the tent.
i was just thinking about you today, how much i miss you and i wish that i could call you up right now and rehash the past. i feel sick when i think about how ill never talk you again.
i went to bern this last year and walked the streets we once walked together. it was nice to be there, but so incredibly lonely. that little store we used to buy phone cards is still there- they still sell phone cards! remember that time when you and jake played strip chess on TREDMO night? and kevin and i videotaped it? i hope i never forget those memories we had there. eating chinese food on the curb. hanging out at your house while you let me read your poetry and you played and sang for me on the guitar.
this is going to sound kind of creepy, but i googled your brother and sister. there were several peter christensons on facebook, by the way, and i picked him out on the first try. his profile picture looked like someone who would be your big brother.
ill never forget you. im so sad you arent here anymore, but i understand you were in an unfathomable amount of pain. i just wish i could have held you at least once. told you how much you meant to me at least.
your parents wrote something really beautiful in your obituary: (something along the lines of) his pain is now dispersed among all the people who loved him. its true. its been 5 years since you went away and i still think about you. it still hurts. i love you.
